Hi everyone
that’s the kind of post I didn’t think I’d write but I’m taking a break from substack and social media. I’ve deleted my Instagram, put my art material in a box and unsubscribe from a lot of things. Why? Because I’m tired and trying to be an artist is killing me. It’s ruining my mental health, my finances and my joy. I’m posting but it’s a constant monologue about my lack of consistency, opportunity etc… nothing full-on inspiration.
I don’t think that, in my case, is the real problem, probably more something linked to self-confidence or putting too much pressure on myself or just because I’m an introvert and writing about my creative practice is hard. Hard because I realise that I’m not showing you enough of what I’m doing, I’m never satisfied with what I’m doing. I tried to sell my work 4 years ago because my friends told me that I was talented and that what I was drawing was “ candies for soul”. I wanted to be a children's book illustrator and an editorial illustrator because I’m a big fan of Sempé, Blake and Simmonds. I took many classes and tutorials but never managed to fit into any of these categories. Last year I enrolled in a 3 weeks editorial course with weekly assignments and opportunities to work with real magazines. I thought “This is it, this is MY chance “ and I gave all that I had, and spent hours working but soon realised that no, it was not my chance, my style doesn’t fit in editorial either because it’s too old school/ not modern and strong enough (not my words, been told so).
Finally, I’ve spent the last year drawing, dreaming of working with a gallery or being “discovered” randomly like in one of these podcast's stories. I’ve been blessed here as I met many talented artists like Stella, Lauren and Tugba but I’ve never really been able to share and talk about my work. I’m working on paintings ( all the images of this article are from august 2023 to march 2024) but it’s not a series of body of work, it’s more an exploration around stillness, finding peace and calm. It’s mostly empty landscapes and a small human presence because this is how I feel in this world: a small human lost in a big very big noisy world. It’s simple, I wish my work was more complex but it’s not, I’m taking time to find the best composition and colours, I need to work more on value, but the final result is visually simple because that’s how I bring peace and calm.
I’ll be happy to sell my work but first, no one asked, two, the whole process of creating a website, setting up an e-shop and all things marketing is overwhelming: I did it on Etsy 4 years ago and I lost a lot of money & sleep. No one tells you what to do when you realise that what you’re dreaming of is not working or not the best for you. No one tells you that just because you like doing something doesn’t mean that selling it could kill your joy.
I’ve started this message as a goodbye one but now I don’t know but I needed to share all this, even if I know that I’ll lose again subscribers and many people won’t read, because for those who are reading, thank you for your support since day 1 ( or maybe just from last week). I don’t know if I’ll ever write again, I think that I’m waiting for something but I don’t know what, but one thing is for sure: being honest is the first step.
Love
Lyly
All of it takes a lot time and learning. Good luck ❤️ it too me more than a decade to be in a good spot, with lots of other jobs inbetween. Do what you love. If you are making art just to sell it, I have been told, you are already off on the wrong foot.
Take a break and then keep going.
Do your art for you. Not for anyone else.
Your art is beautiful, evocative, lonely, resonating, hopeful.