Hi everyone,
Yesterday, I accidentally deleted all my email addresses linked to my website, I just wanted to cancel my hosting subscription but I’ve lost everything. I should have been sad, but the truth is I felt relieved, no more pressure to try, no more pressure to sell, just an empty & clean new page.
I’ve started a new job as a librarian one month ago, new team, a new city, 1 hour each morning, 1-hour each night (at least), new tasks, new responsibility, waking up at 6AM, walking 8/10KM each day: took me 3 weeks to get my first anxiety attack :D
I’m really happy with my job, but I realised that the real problem is that everything is new and I’m a creature of habits. I need rituals, I need a certain time frame, and routines help me to live & keep my anxiety away because I feel secure. But for the last 6 months, I feel like I’m changing, removing all the things that are not me. I learnt recently that to get “pure” gold put it in the fire, it will melt while the impurities float to the surface, where they can be removed. I feel like I’ve been on fire since I left my previous job last year and now, the temperature is lower but still hot. I feel it in my brain, I feel it in my soul and when I’m looking at my previous work: I can find myself in it. It’s not good or bad, I’m just not in it.
Now I can be whoever I want, now I can be me, scared but free.
That’s all for me now, See ya!
Stevelyne
Hello friends and welcome to My two cents ! It’s a little corner where I’m documenting my journey as an artist.
This is very moving, I fully relate.