I ended 2023 depleted, both physically and mentally, unable to pick a pen or make any decisions without a panic attack and that's not the way I want to live. So, to start this new year, I gave myself a gift, a mentoring with
and two weeks of holidays: nothing planned except rest and introspection.As Lauren and I were talking, I realised that I couldn't even think about what I wanted to do during our mentorship, almost questioned my judgment, I mean, "Why am I willingly paying for a mentorship if I do not even know what I want to do?" but, with a lot of kindness and assurance, Lauren helped me to question myself, my hopes, dreams and things I was to scared to face.
I've decided to postpone any attempt to send artwork to an open call and dedicate the first 6 months of 2024 to my sketchbook practice. I need to find joy in my practice, explore, have fun, and take my time to do things. It’s not a big deal but It's really hard to permit myself to do this because I'm always scared of wasting time, but you can waste time when you're investing in yourself.
Unnecessary pressure & perfectionism are the opposite of self-care, as I have a tendency to push myself to exhaustion (even taking a nap is a nightmare for me), I must take care of my mental health too. My creativity is completely dependent on my mental health.
It took me 14 days to be able to open my sketchbook. I was so scared, unable to draw a simple line, so I tricked my brain and started to paint in my head ( that's one of the excentricity called "weirdo things" by my husband) until my hand took the power over my fear and screamed, "give me some paper, I have an idea". Thanks again to Lauren, I felt strong enough to draw from my own experience instead of my complete imagination. Almost a life drawing class but with myself as a model, not the real me but my experience of anxiety and introversion.
How am I dealing with anxiety? What am I doing when I need to get away from the noise? How am I seeking peace as an introvert?
That's the starting point of my explorations, I’m looking at myself, without judgment, from a distance, discovering some recurring behaviours, feelings and truths. I’m not going to say that it helps me control my anxiety but I like the idea of turning it into something peaceful on paper.
I’ll get beauty from those ashes, that’s certain.
That’s all for me now, see you next time !
Lyly
Welcome back, Lyly! I missed you! Congratulations on starting your mentorship with Lauren. She is amazing! I would love to hear more about your experience with the mentoring. I considered it last year but wasn't sure where to start and what kind of mentoring would be suitable for me. I feel a bit stuck with my creative process, too. I feel overwhelmed with too many option's, but also with life's demands and trying to fit in another practice. Also, this winter is getting to me. I’m so low on energy. Seeing your sketchbook photos has motivated me to share my sketches from last summer. On Monday, I plan to sit down and draft a post together with my sketches.
A mentorship with Lauren Sauder is the best investment for your creativity! She works magic, helping you recognize your voice, your seasons, and harness your own process. This was really beautiful written, honest and hopeful. Thank you for sharing!